ISO Moxy

It has come to my realization today that many things in my life are either out of balance or just not working properly. My first inclination would be to blame others which would then make me feel guilty and blame myself and absolve others all responsibility for my own feelings which while chosen by me are in direct response to their actions........which is my incoherent way of saying, I have questions

do I feel like crap because I am around perfect people and I enjoy misery?

do I feel like crap because everyone sucks?

do I feel like crap because I am destined to feel like crap because I am crap?

or is there some middle ground where everything is not my fault but some things are?

I tend to take the blame for everything, always. It's a side effect of my tumultious upbringing. If I am angry it's because I want to be, never mind someone else did something that anyone with a brain would be angry about.......nope, my fault. Of course this doesn't translate well to others, because if they are angry.....also my fault. It's the worst kind of egoism.

Can't live like this any more, too busy to die. Got to fix it. Need moxy.